Report by Tim Sastrowiardjo

Workshop Fontys Sports College
I recently became a volunteer at the John Blankenstein Foundation. When I heard that I would have the opportunity to participate in a workshop at Fontys Sports College in Eindhoven as an experienced athlete, I was very enthusiastic. It was the first time I would share my coming-out story in a setting like this. Querijn Hensen, a top athlete on the Dutch Paralympic Swimming Team, was also joining for the first time. Paul Martin Raspe was there as the workshop leader. Together, we stood in front of a total of eight classes, each consisting of about 20 students.The aim of the workshop is to talk about diversity in the broadest sense of the word and how you, as a player, team, club or organisation, can work towards a safe sporting environment in which you can express your boundaries and wishes in a healthy way and be vulnerable within the group, if you choose to do so. In addition, there is a lot of knowledge transfer about LGBTI in sport. This ensures that students gain more knowledge about the LGBTI+ community and how they can deal with, for example, a coming out. This is the objective of the John Blankenstein Foundation.

My challenges
What I found particularly exciting was talking about my experiences with coming out and how I dealt with it myself. I didn't talk about my feelings or problems very often, let alone in front of a group of people I didn't even know. While preparing for the workshops, I was mainly concerned about how I could best tell my story. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to find the right words to make my story understandable. This fear stemmed mainly from my thoughts and insecurity. I didn't want to be guided by these thoughts anymore, so I focused on the essence of my story and the message I wanted to convey to the groups. In the end, I succeeded. The first few times I told my story, I sometimes had to search for a logical structure. Eventually, it became so ingrained in my system that I could concentrate more on the way I told my story.

In addition, during the workshops, I noticed that I consciously wanted to come across as more masculine. My insecurity made me want to appear serious and not draw attention to my ‘feminine’ traits, which I believe I have. Strange, really, because my expression shouldn't matter. I discussed this with Paul Martin and Querijn: “Something to share at the next workshops, if you feel comfortable doing so,” was their response. I love challenges, so that's what I did. During the next workshops, I explained that I was consciously presenting myself in a more masculine way because I find it intimidating to reveal what I perceive to be my feminine side. Expressing this felt very liberating for me, as it was as if I was revealing an even more vulnerable side of myself than I already had with my coming-out story.

The groups
The groups we had were very different. I enjoyed noticing that. What the groups had in common was that at the end of the workshop, they left the classroom feeling completely different than when they entered: more positive, more open and more dynamic. It was wonderful to see and experience that transformation.

Some classes were more closed off at the beginning, which I found exciting. What did they think of me and of us? How would they react to certain parts of the workshop, or to my story? Those kinds of thoughts popped into my head. That uncertainty disappeared when these classes realised that we were really engaging with them and that we were listening to what they had to say, without judgement. That freedom gave them the motivation and space to participate more actively in the workshops.

The school itself radiated tranquillity. There was plenty of natural light and the surroundings could be seen from the classrooms. The teachers were very committed to their classes, which was evident from the bond they had with each other. It was wonderful to see.

Colleagues
I had not met Querijn in person until the day of the workshops. I was very curious to find out who he was and what his coming-out story would be. It was the first time I had met someone who had also come out as a top athlete. This was something I had been curious about for a long time, because until then I had felt that I was the only one who had experienced this. So there are definitely others in the same situation.
Querijn is interested in others, very curious and open to learning, which I think is a wonderful trait. It was also very brave of him to share his story with the group despite his nerves. He said that he found this even scarier than competing in the final of the Paralympics in Tokyo last August. That says a lot about how nervous he was. It was also noticeable that Querijn was getting better and better at telling his story. I saw that he gradually started to feel more comfortable, which was nice to see. I am very happy to have got to know Querijn.

I already knew Paul Martin, because we had met a few times to discuss my coming-out story. This was the first time I stood in front of a group with him. I really enjoyed seeing how he led the workshop and watched with fascination as he transformed the group from a closed or shy atmosphere to an open and safer environment.

I am very happy that I was able to share my story with Paul Martin and Querijn by my side. It felt familiar and I was given all the space I needed to tell my story in my own way and to learn from these experiences. I would like to thank Paul Martin for the trust he placed in us, which allowed us to tell our story in a safe environment. These were two special days that I shared with Querijn and Paul Martin. I couldn't have wished for a better team to take these first steps with.

What have I learnt from this?
What I take away from this experience is an enormous amount of newly acquired self-confidence. Immediately after these two days of workshops, I noticed that I felt freer, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I showed myself and made myself vulnerable to complete strangers, and that felt safe because of the setting that was created.

I feel that I now dare to show myself to people who will cross my path in the future and to the people I already know. That feels like a new kind of freedom to me, an emotional freedom.

 

Report by Querijn Hensen

At the end of September, the time had come: two days of workshops were ahead of us, with four groups per day and between 20 and 25 people per group. I was really excited and looking forward to talking publicly for the first time in front of a group about my sexuality and my sport. I did these workshops together with Paul Martin Raspe and Tim Sastrowiardjo, both of whom are also volunteers at the JBF. Paul Martin as workshop leader and Tim as a professional athlete.

The aim of the workshop is to make diversity in the broadest sense of the word discussable; to know how to express wishes and boundaries respectfully. In short, working towards a safe(r) sporting environment in which you can be vulnerable and choose to be so yourself. This could be something intimate, such as sharing your coming out, or something smaller, such as having a bad day. In the workshop, students learn more about the background of the LGBTI+ community, with the aim of letting them experience what a safe environment means in this context.

My experience
It all took place at the beautiful Fontys Sports College in Eindhoven. I was asked to start telling my story to the first group. I found that very exciting. Beforehand, I thought: I'm going to do this and I'm sure I'll be able to tell my story in public. After Paul Martin had introduced me, I found it difficult after all. I started by calmly telling them who I am and where I come from. That went well until I started telling the group very personal details about my coming out and my private life. I clammed up and started to feel hot. No words came out of my mouth and I couldn't see the letters on my cheat sheet anymore. For the first time, I had a blackout; I didn't know what to do. Paul Martin immediately put me at ease by asking me what I needed at that moment. The group allowed this to happen and also tried to put me at ease. At that moment, I felt that I needed a safe atmosphere to be able to share my story and told them that it was my first time and that it was all more nerve-wracking than I had expected. I felt safe enough to say this.

After each workshop, we had a brief evaluation. That helped me enormously to grow in the workshops. We agreed that I would incorporate my experience in the first workshop into my story for the next groups, so that I would feel more at ease. The more often I told my story, the more confident I became, and the more I enjoyed it.

My colleagues
I hadn't met Tim yet, but we had gotten to know each other through video calls. This was also the first time Tim would be giving a workshop. I didn't know much about Tim yet, except that he had been a top athlete and would also be sharing his personal coming-out story during the workshops. I found it very interesting that he had been a top athlete; we had both experienced a similar situation, and I was very curious about that. When I met Tim, I noticed that he is open and dares to be himself. Tim shared his story with the group with complete conviction and from his own experience, and made it seem like something he had done many times before, which I greatly admired. He supported me tremendously during these two exciting days and I think we benefited greatly from each other.

Paul Martin was the workshop leader during these workshops. He is a natural coach, someone who doesn't need to call himself a coach to be one. Someone I thought, I want to work with for these workshops. We met a few times beforehand to prepare for the workshops. These days were very special to me; I learned a lot. During the workshops, Paul Martin took the lead. I was amazed at how he led these workshops and how he worked with the group to create a safer atmosphere. Paul Martin created the perfect atmosphere for me to tell my story. He is a speaker I will never forget, and I can't wait to work with him again.

It was a special two days for me to work with Tim and Paul Martin, and I am extremely grateful to them for this.

The groups
The groups were very diverse. There were eight groups in total, each consisting of 20 to 30 people between the ages of 16 and 22. Every time a new group arrived, there was a different dynamic, which I found interesting to experience. The same thought kept running through my head: what do they think of me and what do I think of them? What each group had in common was that they had only been together for five weeks since the summer holidays and did not really know each other very well yet.

Many groups arrived closed off and didn't know exactly what to expect. But what every group had in common was that they left with a completely different feeling. I got the sense that every group in the workshop had experienced a taste of a safe environment, and that was clear to me. It was wonderful to witness!

What have I learnt from this?
I have learned how to better communicate my boundaries. In the past, I had much more difficulty with this. During the preparation and this workshop, this came up strongly, but I was already better able to communicate my boundaries. My self-confidence has increased and I have overcome a blackout! I really enjoy talking to people who tell their stories honestly; for me, that was an invitation to share my story. Conversations like that create a safer environment. I dare to be myself more, something I have always been a little afraid of. I am going to be happy instead of appearing happy, be honest with myself and discover what I really want. Openness is an invitation to be open yourself and vice versa.